COMPATIBILITY in Relationships

Like the flowers in a garden, some of us are more compatible to each other than others.  When we are in situations where we don’t feel compatible we react in a negative way towards others.

How can we adjust our reaction so it doesn’t have a negative impact on another or us?

1. Become aware of our reactions when we get thrown off.  You may be overly polite, anxious, withdrawn, trying to please, short tempered, argumentative.  Whatever it is, notice it without judging yourself.
2. Notice your energy.  Do you feel tight, jittery, short of breath, and/or spacey.
3. Are your thoughts judgmental, self-degrading, thinking someone (including yourself is better or worse then you?
4. Once you are conscious, start to get curious and begin a dialogue with yourself.
5. Often these reactions are based on a previous experience as if it is only related to the present the thoughts and sensation would pass.
6. Know you have a choice.  You can understand yourself better and use that knowledge to respond from a loving space.  If fear takes over you have the choice to acknowledge it and explain your pain/reaction to another.

The other day I was walking in the woods and noticed two trees growing separate yet leaning one upon the other.  A week later, I saw one tree with a hole in it then new growth reaching up and out.  I asked myself what does this remind me of as they were both such strong images.  I figured there was a teaching.

The first reminded me of the poem in the Profit on Marriage

“Give your heart, but not into each others keep.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together

For the pillars of the temple stand apart

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

They represented interdependence.  Each person is an individual and collectively they make a new unit.  So often in the past, I thought relationship was like the second tree with a hole empty and lonely stretching its arms out reaching for something.  I have discovered like the tree the reaching toward light brings new growth.

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